Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Six Simple Steps to Meet (and be) a Keeper

One of my biggest pet peeves of YA books is how often a girl sacrifices her time, energy, and personality to please a guy, who frankly isn't always worth keeping. To save you from becoming like those fictional characters, I'm including a few things to focus on instead of obsessing day and night about how to make someone fall madly in love with you:
1. Forget about yourself. When you sit around obsessing about why you’re not meeting that perfect guy, you become less attractive.Nobody wants to be around someone who whines about hair, weight, or life in general.
Sitting around your room listening to angry-girl music or sad country ballads while feeling sorry for yourself isn’t the way to happiness. There’s a much greater chance of meeting someone when you go out with friends, and—now brace yourself for this—you might actually have a good time, with or without a guy.
2. Be the kind of person you are looking for. If you are looking for someone smart, he’s probably looking for someone who uses her brains, too. A guy worth hanging on to will not want a ditz, but someone who they can share an interesting conversation with. Don’t pretend to be dopy just because someone is intimidated by brains.
Furthermore, a funny boy is going to get pretty drained hanging out with a downer he has to cheer up every time he sees her. And if you want someone who is kind, you might find an amazing guy is drawn to you when he sees you being thoughtful to others.
3. Opposites may attract, but similarities will keep the ground stable. So you are a good-girl who happens to like a mysterious bad-boy. It may be exciting at first, but eventually one or both of you will want your significant other to conform to your own values, attitudes or tastes.
Too many girls have bragged to their friends, “He used to wear the ugliest cowboy boots and tight jeans when we first started dating. I showed him how to dress.” That’s great if he was looking for that change in his life. But if not, he’ll start to wonder if you would like him even if he still wore his favorite old tight jeans and boots.
You don’t want a boyfriend who constantly tries changing you to fit their ideal, and neither do guys. If you feel you need to change him, let him go find someone who can appreciate what you can’t.
4. Geeks can be hidden gems. Take a look around at the boys who aren’t on the Most Wanted list. Many of them are witty gentlemen who know how to treat a girl like a queen. And often, when you find inner-beauty, the outside follows. Pimples don’t last forever, and neither do rock-hard muscles. When you look at your yearbook in ten years, you will wonder why you didn’t pay more attention to those cute, nice guys.
5. Don’t dwell on the past. Guys don’t want to hear about ex-boyfriend issues, and they especially do not want to listen to guy-bashing. It will make them wonder what you are going to say about them when they aren’t around. Plus, it’s just not flattering.
Take what you’ve learned from past relationships, whether good or bad, and move on. It’s okay to wallow in the past for a few weeks after you break-up with someone, but realize there is life after high school.
If you look at the big picture, there are many refreshing years ahead that will be filled with tons of interesting guys you are going to have the chance to meet, learn from, and maybe even fall in love with.
6. Get a hobby. Or a job. Or a service-project. It’s easiest to meet someone who’s compatible with you at a place where you will have similar interests or values. When you concern yourself with things you sincerely enjoy doing, you become more attractive, radiating “life” and excitement.
Not only will you be more appealing to guys, but you’ll actually become more interesting to yourself. If you fill your time with community theater, sports, or whatever your interest is, you will probably find that you enjoy life whether there’s a guy in the picture or not. Think of a keeper-boyfriend as a cherry on top of a great big bowl of ice cream—not essential, but definitely a fun little bonus.