Monday, January 23, 2012

Saving the World, One Laundry Basket at a Time


Levi’s has a new style of denim called Water<Less. Which is fabulous. That’s how I wear my jeans. Without water.

Here's why: There’s a secret file deep within the FBI’s vault called Questioning Tactics too Ghastly to Use. The method goes something like this:
“If you don’t tell us what we want to know, we’ll put you in watered-down denim.”
“No! Anything but that. I’ll spill the beans!”

Trust me. I know all about this kind of torture. When I was a kid, I walked to school. Actually, when it was dark outside, it was more of a scurry. When it was hot, I shlumped instead.

On snowy days, I sat around in wet jeans for several hours after walking to school. My calculus teacher thought I had concentration issues. In reality it was Watered-Down Denim Syndrome.

It’s hard to focus on the Cylindrical Shell Method when your Levi’s are rug-burning your legs. Peeling wet jeans off for P.E. could be considered a cruel and unusual punishment. Squeezing cantankerous legs back into the same wet jeans is something school principals use to control unruly students, when the threat of detention doesn’t seem to cut it.

But these new “Water-less” jeans aren’t about torture. Or scurrying to school in the snow. Or even about calculus. It’s all about preserving the environment.

Apparently, making denim uses a lot of water. They have to water the cotton. They have to water the cotton pickers. They have to water the brand-spanking new jeans to make them look like brand-spanking old jeans.

In a burst of genius, someone decided to use stones to wash the jeans, instead of H20. Even though they did this back in the 80’s, it took thirty years to realize wearing 80’s jeans can save nearly two million liters of water. Peg-legging the 80’s jeans will leave even more of an impact on the planet.

Levi’s has done their part, and now they want me to do mine. If I cut back on laundry, I can save over 8 million liters of water. Just think how much I’ll conserve if I never do laundry again!

It’s nice to know I’m making the world a better place, one laundry basket at a time. 

14 comments:

  1. Everyone knows that jeans especially the waterless kind need only be washed when they walk on their own.
    I like your posts
    Signed
    A Human

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    1. I've never heard that rule before, but I'm glad to know when it's time to wash my jeans...

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  2. Very interesting post. I am always looking to cut back on laundry :)

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    1. I'm good at cutting back on laundry, which is why my kids sometimes have to wear my woman-socks to school (but don't tell anyone, it might embarrass them).

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  3. Hahaha. This post made me laugh, because it's so true! Squeezing into wet denim is about the worst thing ever.

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    1. Thanks, Kate! And thank goodness for the new Water<Less jeans. No more wet denim for me...

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  4. My son needs a medal for saving the planet. I think he washes his jeans twice a year - and then they are packed so tightly in the machine hardly any water gets used at all! Got here via humor writers and glad I did - come say hello sometime!

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    1. We should talk to the president about getting him an award. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

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  5. Great story, Gaylene. I read something in the paper about only washing jeans twice a year. Just one question: What about spills, splashes and odors? Am I the only klutz who spills lunch, splashes through mud puddles and occasionally gets overheatd?

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    1. I thought the same thing when I saw this. If I didn't wash my jeans, I wouldn't have any friends...sorry planet. Even though I put off doing laundry as long as possible, friends come first.

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  6. So when I was a kids and those boys threw stones at me on my way home they were only trying to help do my washing? Awww, sweeties. For some reason I was brought up to believe jeans could be worn several times before washing, unlike other pants. I still do that but now realise there is no logic to this theory :)
    Wagging Tales

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    1. What nice boys, to help you clean your jeans!

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  7. The only thing worse than wet jeans are smelly jeans! Great post.

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    1. I think they're equally bad in their own special ways!

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